What did you say?

So I've had three stories from my last assignment that I've been meaning to share, so here goes.

That is not how you get my attention
  My patients call light had been going off and it took a bit before I could get in there.  When I walked in the patient was eating breakfast and, before I could say anything, looks at me and says "This place must be bulletproof!"  I immediately look behind me to the window by the door thinking someone tried to shoot my annoying patient and then look back and say "What?"  "Because when I do this," taking the knife and banging it on the breakfast tray "no one comes in here!"
  I then adopt a stern expression and state "That is never appropriate and I will never respond to that.  If you need me you press your call light.  Please understand that if I am in another room it may take a few minutes."  
  Oh, and the work you're looking for is soundproof.

Tell the truth
  I was helping another nurse get a patient settled, which including putting compression stockings on.  The patient was crying out and the family member in there (who very obviously had their own health issues) said "Remember when I was in the hospital and I didn't want to do what they told me, but you said I had to in order to get better?"  "I LIED" yells the patient.  I immediately bust out laughing and tell the patient that's the funniest thing I've heard all day.  I look at the family member and say "That pep talk went south in a hurry" to which they reply "I'm not sure how I feel about that!"

They did WHAT?
  And then there was the patient who had gone down for a procedure first thing in the morning.  Later in the afternoon they requested something for pain, understandably.  I bring in the medication and ask about the pain.  They proceed to tell me that the numbing for the procedure didn't work because they could feel the whole thing.  Since they've been back several hours I think this is untrue, but don't comment.  When the patients friend then asks how it went, the reply is "They were supposed to seduce me"   I whirl around and say "WHAT?!?" and the friend incredulously repeats "Seduce you?  You mean 'induce'?"  I give her a stupefied look and turn back to the patient "You mean sedate?"  Everyone in the room is just laughing.  A while later I went in to take vital signs and the patient was laying on their side.  To get an accurate blood pressure I ask them to lay flat on their back.  They begin to roll onto their stomach.  I repeat my request louder to no avail.  Finally they get the request and turn the right direction.  I look at his family and say "Don't worry, they're still seduced."